我怎么说 - What I Say

Today when I was looking around in the Facebook, I saw my ex's wedding picture. He is hugging his wife in that picture, smiled to camera while gazing up there. Looking at the stars in the sky, maybe. With that familiar gaze he used to gaze at my eyes with.

Never before I saw him so gorgeous...
And his wife ain't bad either.
I am truly happy for him, he has found his happiness he always searched for.
But why does it hurt at the same time, too?

One of the things that makes me feel so reluctant every time someone messaged me on social networking site (well, dating site in particular) is something called people's expectation. Like this...

I received a message from someone called John few months ago, and I already said that I am not looking for relationship, I'm only looking for friendship there. He agreed with that, saying that even if it won't go anywhere, it's just nice to have friend to share.
From that point on, he's like a gym buddy for me when I happen to be in Jakarta. Sometimes we just spend time in the gym, he likes to join the classes there, while I will usually refuse (I hate join those body combat class, urgh) and do weight training instead. Some other time we will just watch movie or go out and have some meal.

Something wrong with that? I have buddies with whom I usually spend time with and nothing (as in love department) develop from that. Even with girls. We remain as close friend, although we go out together often (so I am quite flustered why boys are more emo about that). Because I only think of them as friends, nothing more. I sometimes think, do I give him those cyber guys false hope or something by doing those friendly stuff?
And yet, recently he came out to me said he loves me and asked if I do feel the same, well, if you ask me such a question, don feel regret after that if you don't like the answer. Told ya, I am very bold with words.
"I am sorry John, I just don't have feeling for you in a romantic sense, at least for now. But truly, I do favor you as my good friend. You are precious for me."

Then eng-ing-eng! Everything changed!
Occasional sms, gone.
Occasional "Hi!", gone.
Occasional chat, gone.
Even he never call me up again in chat room, always wait for me to call him first.

When I confronted him with his change, he won't admit it. I called him the other day, and he says that he's with his other friend. Is it what people called jual mahal?? I completely have no idea.

I don't get what's wrong with him, since the very beginning he clearly stated that even if this would not lead to something serious, it's fine. It's rare to have a good friend in PLU world (I admit that) so I try to maintain good friendship when I find one. But now what??

Geez, for your information John, I won't fall to jual-mahal trap, sadly. I don't love you, buddy!

Yeah, just finally arrived home, exhausted, but satisfied, heh heh. Tonight my family went to one of the rare family outing. It all started yesterday, when my Ma watched the trailer of recently out horror movie, The Wolfman. She told my didi that the movie surely eerily nice, so it's good if we can watch it. Actually me and my didis were planning to watch The Lightning Thief instead. But since my Pa wants to join us... The Wolfman, it was determined.

When Ben Talbot (Simon Merrells) vanishes into thin air, his brother Lawrence (Benicio Del Toro) returns to his family estate to investigate. Upon reuniting with his estranged father, Sir John Talbot (Anthony Hopkins), however, he discovers a destiny far darker than his blackest nightmares. Ben is dead; the victim of a savage attack by a beast that keeps the superstitious locals cowering in fear every time the moon shines bright in the sky. Shortly after discovering his brother's true fate, Lawrence swears to Ben's wife, Gwen (Emily Blunt), that he will bring her late husband's killer to justice. As a young boy, the untimely death of his mother caused Lawrence to grow up before his time. Though Lawrence had previously attempted to bury his pain in the past by leaving the quiet Victorian hamlet of Blackmoor behind, he discovers that you can't outrun fate when he's attacked by the very same nocturnal beast that claimed his brother. Not even recently arrived Scotland Yard inspector Aberline (Hugo Weaving) can dream up a rational explanation for the gruesome spell cast over Blackmoor, yet rumors of an ancient curse persist. According to legend, the afflicted will experience a horrific transformation by the light of the full moon. Now, the woman Talbot loves is in mortal danger, and in order to protect her he must venture into the moonlit woods and destroy the beast before it destroys her. But this isn't a typical hunt, because before the beast can be slain, a simple man will uncover a primal side of himself that he never knew existed.

~www.fandango.com~

I must say, this movie was below my expectation from the story side (compared to other fantastic werewolf movies like Gingersnaps the series), although if you expect to be shocked and thrilled during the entire movie, you will find it enchanting. But a warning from me, if you happen to have heart or "ayan" disease, you will want to watch less shocking movies instead (Spongebob the Movie? Disney Pixar movies? lol). Someone could easily die due to heart attack while watching The Wolfman, there were too many shocks in the movie from beginning till end.
I just couldn't believe that the girl who sat beside me in the cinema CRIED in her boyfriend's embrace when watching the werewolf (Del Toro) died in Gwen's lap. Heeelooo, it wasn't even sad or dramatic demise.


Walked around to accompany my didi bought new pair of Converse shoes, and I found this beauty, teasing me to try it...

And in the end, I bought it impulsively, lol.... My Pa and Ma were also encouraged me, so I dun feel that guilty :-D
It was quite expensive though, it's like one of the most expensive shoes I ever have until now, haha.

But yeah after we walked around and I found this stall which sells ginseng, I don't feel that my shoes is that expensive anymore.

雨下好乱 半个夜晚 你不在身边怎麽晚安
the rain is falling heavily into the middle of the night. I cannot sleep as you’re not by my side

天好蓝 要和你一起看
I want to watch the clear blue sky with you

起风时有你来温暖
You are the one who gives me warmth when a wind blows over

心事简单 一句说完
feelings from my heart are so simple that a simple sentence says all

要我们永远不会分开
wanting us to never seperate

有眼泪 也因为你灿烂
tears are present but they glisten because of you

你微笑因为我盛开
You're smiling, for (watching) me blossoming

要谢谢爱 让你在我身边守护我的未来
I thank love for letting you stay by me and guard my future

有多少美丽奇蹟你手心里全都记载 好期待
how many beautiful miracles, in the palm of your hand is where they are written, How I'm looking forward for them

要谢谢爱 让我学会宽容学会体谅关怀
I thank you for letting me learn generosity, respect and care

像阳光陪著大海是平静还是澎湃都是爱
similar to how the sun will accompany the sea, whether it is calm or rough, it is still love


Valentine's day has passed by... today I heard this song again. Suddenly I felt warmth inside which I cannot explain. It's like a reminder that now I've been walking on the same road hand-in-hand with Cedric for 2 years and 7 months. Still early? Or sounds long enough for you?
The last time I met him was May 2009, it's been a long 9 months waiting for both of us, but I still cherish him. I can still remember how we met for the first time, with his timid smile, his shyness, hiss soft kisses...
I love his honesty, I love how he asks my opinion before he makes a decision, I love the way he say "hello" on the phone, I love everything about my Cedric. Not to say, we have our ups and downs, we quarrel a lot. Mostly because I feel him often live in his own world, busy with himself, or just less care for me, but that's just him. In love I need to hold my ego, learn to accept instead of wanting someone to change. Nevertheless, I want this relationship to last forever, want my Cedric to grow old with me. The road is still a long way, but hopefully we can conquer all obstacles and find our happiness, together.

短暂的总是浪漫
The short-termed relationship is always romantic,
漫长总会不满
The long-term relationship is always full of dissatisfaction.

There’s a piece of simple delicacy, here in the heart of Jakarta.
Something called “Medan Ice Cream”.
This is one of the things left from my childhood days.

The seller will getting around in the neighbourhood using modified bicycle, approaching the customers. No, it’s not as premium as Baskin-Robbins or Häagen-Dazs, nor as expensive, but there’s something special in it that makes me always remember it.

If you buy Medan ice cream, by default the seller will serve it in a bun, a hamburger bun. He will slice it, just enough to hold various flavour of ice cream he’ll put later in it. One scoop of…
Chocolate
Strawberry
Vanilla
Durian
Avocado

All those put in that one bun. You can choose whatever flavour you like to put in the bun, for sure.
But let alone, I like to let the merchant to put whatever flavour available. That’s the art of enjoying Medan ice cream though, you get various taste in every bite…

One bite you may get the bitter taste of chocolate
Another bite you may savour the sweet strawberry
The next bite, you maybe feel the smoothness of vanilla
Then followed by the tangy durian
Finalized by tender taste of avocado

Just like what we experience in life, we’ll get one bite of every sweet and bitterness, whether we like it or not.
It's the flavour of life...